Saturday, June 06, 2009

My thoughts on Time.




     Last night I was laying in bed, trying to fall asleep, when I started thinking about Logan...as I often do.  It's always amazing to me that whenever he is awake and being fussy I wish that he was asleep, but whenever he is asleep I wish he were awake so I could cuddle and hold him close.  It got me thinking about how much I love and yet how much I despise Time.  Time is the best of things and the yet worst of things. It is my love, but also my enemy. 
      I'm thankful for Time when things are going well, or when things aren't and "it" passes and I don't have to stress about "x", when I get a chance to relax or sleep, etc....(I think you get what I'm trying to say).  While, on the other hand, time is the worst thing imaginable.  I absolutely hate that Logan is growing up. I hate that time is stealing my baby away from me and making him grow up entirely too fast.  I hate that I don't have all the time in the world to watch Logan sleep, or play on the ground with him and laugh for hours, or adore his smile, make him laugh, rock him to sleep and kiss his sweet innocent little head! I hate that one day he won't wake up from his nap, wrap his arms around me and rest his head on my shoulder until he wakes up a bit more. 
     I can't wait for these next 4 1/2 months to pass because then we will have our 2nd sweet, amazing boy to love and kiss, hold and cuddle.  But, here I am again in my love/hate relationship with Time. I want Time to pass because I want my newest baby boy, but I don't want it to pass because I desperately don't want Logan to be 4 1/2 months older than he already is.  Logan will be nearly 1 year old by the time baby #2 arrives.  How can that be? 
I've been reading this book called, "A Mother's Book of Secrets", by Linda Eyre & Shawni Eyre Pothier.  In the book Shawni says something that really hit me.  She says, "It's true that as a mother there is always a never-ending list of things to accomplish....But are we successful if we didn't notice the look on our child's face when he learned to 'pump' on the swing by himself? Is it success if we got lunch done and put the kids down for naps in fifteen minutes' time so we could finish catching up on the 'important projects' if we forgot to help the kids finish the puzzle we promised we would? Sometimes success is when we don't get through the to-do list but instead stop long enough to notice the little things.  To savor moments.  Not only to notice the delight in our children's eyes, but to help create that delight". 
       The other quote is from Pulitzer Prize- winning author Anna Quindlen, who writes: "The biggest mistake I made is the one that most of us make....I did not live in the moment enough. This is particularly clear now that the moment is gone, captured only in photographs.  There is one picture of the three of [my children] sitting on the grass on a quilt in the shadow of the swing set on a summer day, ages six, four, and one. And I wish I could remember what we ate, and what we talked about, and how they sounded, and how they looked when they slept through the night.  I wish I had not been in such a hurry to get on to the next thing: dinner, bath, book, bed.  I wish I had treasured the doing a little more and the getting it done a little less". 
     Cogitation (as my friend Jena would say): Enjoy the moment. Every single one. I want to remember these days and love them before they are gone.

12 comments:

Dani said...

How true that all is. I particularly love that last quote (isn't it quoted in a pretty recent Ensign?). I find my happiest days aren't when I am rushing to get everything done and get the kids to bed and get dinner made, but when I take the time to play with my kids and let them be involved in making dinner (even though it takes twice as long and makes five times the mess). You'll never regret making memories with your kids.

Jessi said...

That is very tender Jen... You hit that one right on the head. Time is very tricky.

Kristy E.B. said...

I concur! I have all of those exact same thoughts and feelings about time and motherhood as you expressed. It is fun watching the new things my kids can do as they get older, but at the same time, it's so sad that before I know it, they won't want me to give them kisses and hugs all of the time, and that makes me sad!

Jaime said...

Jena, that is so great!! I think you would like the book.. Piggy-back rides and slippery slides.
I don't have it in front of me so I forget who writes it but you can get it a Deseret Books. It's all about how playing with your kids is so important and gives some amazing insite into it all! Also, you should get "52 weeks of Fun Family Service" by Merrilee Boyack!
I know Logan is WAY to little but it is Amazing!! We love it!!

The Bell Family said...

I have been feeling that exact same way ever since I've had Sophie. I look at Olivia who is now 3, and she was my baby for so long, and I just can't get over how fast 3 years has gone by. With Sophie already a month old, I just keep think how before I know it she will be 3 also. Thank you so much for those quotes, it is so true how we just need to forget about the housework all the time and just play with our kids. Don't worry about Logan almost being 1, every year just gets better and better.

mamasylvia said...

Looking at it from the "far" side now, I can absolutely testify as to how amazingly fast life goes by. I miss the baby/childhood stages so much:( But, on the positive side, it's also pretty special to watch as your kids grow into wonderful adults with great families of their own. Still do miss those hugs though;)

Scott and Haley said...

Thank you for that wonderful lesson in life! It is so true. I can stress myself out all day thinking of what needs to be done next that I miss the little things. I am trying to do better. When the girls take a nap is when I can get a lot of things done around that house. The last couple of days though I have laid on the bed with Jane on one side and Lilly on the other and have watched them sleep. I LOVE THOSE MOMENTS! I need to have more of those. So once again....Thank you for this lesson.

The Red Crew said...

First let me just say that we are so excited for you guys...another boy! I'm so glad b/c you make the cutest boys ever!
Second, I am so glad you wrote this today b/c i was really feeling so worthless as it is almost 1 pm and i am still in pj's. But today i really have just hung out with the little kiddles and now i feel good about myself b/c of the quotes you shared! So...thanks!
Thirdly, this is taking way too long... with you guys being gone and all. Geez.

Lara said...

amenamenamenamenamenamenamenAMEN! Wow. You said it so well. There are so many reasons I wish I could freeze time.. all of them have to do with family.. but at the same time I can't wait for the next baby. Time is a love/hate relationship for sure. So so glad that time does not exist in the hereafter. I can't imagine how amazing that'll be.

Brian and chelsea said...

Hi there - found your blog through Jenna's - thought I'd say hi. I don't know if you even know who I am or not, but Josh should remember me (hi Josh - way to go on keeping up with racing! Good luck to ya!)
I just love this post - so beautiful - and having a little on of my own, I empathize with a lot of it.
Logan's a cutie - good luck on the next one! (they're Irish twins!)

The Smiths said...

Thank you soooooo much for sharing those quotes! I needed to hear that.

theflanfam said...

I love catching up! Your family is so cute and you always have so much fun!

Great post. I totally got teary eyed as I read this. There is definitely a lot to cherish in each minute of our lives. It is good to get that reminder when you want to pull out your hair!

I love your cogitation. Cogitating is the best!