Wednesday, September 15, 2010

A short novel and a few pictures...

In addition to giving my mom some pictures to look at and for you to see what we've been up to I wanted to blog about something that I have been thinking about a lot...and no it isn't anything political! Bear with me it's a little long...

I have been thinking a lot about "being aware". Let me explain. I think I am a good mom. I love my kids, I play with them, I show them love and affection, I give them my time and attention, and I meet all of their needs- I feed them, bathe them, change them, get the picture. But then there are those moments when having kids isn't so glamorous and isn't as peachy and "happily ever after" and that is the time where I find that I am not acting like the person I know I am and that I can be. So for the past few days I have tried really hard to slow down and to be aware of how I react to those tough motherhood moments. Instead of getting grumpy when Shaffer goes after X for the twelve-hundredth time I make myself become aware of how I feel and how I am going to react, and so instead of just REACTing to a certain emotion and frustrating situation I choose to ACT and handle the situation in a much more patient and loving manner. And the main reason to do this is because it make me love my kids that much more. It helps me to enjoy the hard stuff in life.

Enjoying the hard stuff is another point that I really am trying to work on and that I want my kids to learn as well. Work hard. Sacrifice. Embrace the challenges of life. Don't let the hard times make you weak (or make you feel weak).

I/we have had a stressful few months with all the decisions we have had to make- going back to school, selling our house, not being able to sell our house, renting our house, losing lots of money on our stupid house, a big move, etc....and frankly I have felt pretty darn weak because of those challenges. Did you know that stress can physically affect you? I literally couldn't run 2 miles without getting shaky and weak. Not normal. ANYWAYS...the point that I am leading up to is that because of all of these challenges and all this hard stuff (which is now mostly relieved) I have learned A LOT. Most of what I am now putting together is about this very topic- digging deep and enjoying the hard stuff and that nothing material really matters. The only thing that does matter is what we have spiritually.

I am not a perfect person but I am trying. I feel like everything that I have gone through has been so that I will dig my spiritual roots deeper. I love the gospel and I know that it is true! Despite that fact that hardly any of my prayers have been answered in the way that I wanted them to be (and feeling like they weren't answered at all for a long time), I can say with absolute certainty that I know God hears and answers our prayers. I am still in the thick of things and I don't know how most of our future will turn out but right now I am grateful to be hanging on, pushing myself to enjoy the hard stuff, digging deep spiritually, growing as a mother, learning about charity, and patience patience and more patience.

And much as I hate to say it because it has pretty much worked me these past few months, I am deeply, truly, profoundly grateful for the hard stuff!


jamie t. said...

Amen Jena! I don't think you know what an example you are to me of a strong and wonderful woman and mother. I feel blessed to have know you here in Oregon and am sad you moved away. I feel the same way about trying to enjoy and learn from every moment we experience. Thank you for sharing your thoughts :)

mom/Anne said...

Oh my dear, precious daughter! You have made my heart sing! Thank you, thank you, thank you for the wonderful pictures!!! Shaffer is looking so much more grown up! I love every picture.
Brad had a great suggestion. He said you should put little videos of the boys on your blog so we can hear Logan talking and see Shaffer taking steps.
I appreciate your thoughts on the hard stuff. You are right that they are the things that refine and purify us. I love that you are trying to act rather than to react. You are a joy and a delight! How dad and I love and adore you. Hugs to all!

Molly M said...

I love all the pictures, but especially the picture of Logan and Shafe in the laundry basket! SO cute! And I LOVE how Logan just may be in the middle of saying, "Show?" while holding his Backyardagains (sp?) DVD. Love ya!