Thursday, March 22, 2012

Cutting back/letting go

I thought it was about time for a little update on how things are going. We've just survived having our 3rd (wonderful, beautiful) baby, and made a huge move to Colorado. It's nice to finally be settled into our place and be back in somewhat of a routine. I think we survived all of this only because family! Josh's parents were extremely helpful on the Utah side of things and then my mom and sister were here for nearly 2 weeks on the Colorado side. (Side note: totally depressed that my sister and I aren't neighbors...we had WAY too much fun together.) So far we love it here. Thank heavens for the church which brings instant friends; it's so nice to know we aren't alone here in big ol' Colorado.

The real reason for this post, besides catching you up on the basics, is because I need to vent and write out my thoughts of what is about to change in my life. That being....letting things go! There are certain things that I am extremely particular about: a clean house, working out, my kids journals, and my scripture study!
You see, I LOVE to be in control. My house is (generally) always clean, I work out 5-6 days a week for at least an hour, I wake up early to do my scripture reading, and I haven't missed a single day in any of my children's journals!
Those are the things that I take the most pride in. Those are things that I've always had control over and things that I've always felt really proud of.
So now, here I am with 3 amazing kids who need more of me than I can give and a whole slew of things on my 'to do' list competing for top spot on my priority list. And it boils down to the fact that I can no longer have it all. AND IT KILLS ME!
I am grateful for this test because I know it's forcing me to put my money where my mouth is. It forces me to put my kids first like I say they are. In the end what does a perfectly clean house or working out matter anyhow?
All of these things still have to be part of my life because my happiness would go way down hill (and therefore make me a terrible mom) if I didn't have a clean house and time to work out but they just have to be done less and they have to take a back seat to my kids needs.
The journal is the one that makes my eyes well up with tears. It honestly devastates me that I can't do them daily anymore, but when I get 3 days behind I don't just have 3 journal entries to catch up on, I have 9 and it's more than I can do at this point.
I remember in one of Chieko Okazaki's books she talks about praying about the details of our lives and boy has this had to be a matter of prayer! It is incredibly hard to let things go and to not freak out over scattered toys or the fact that I can't and probably won't be able to fit into my skinny jeans. But I know that there are blessing that will come from putting my focus where it needs to be and I want to enjoy this season of my life with my kids. And I will say that I am my happiest when I am focused on the right things. My best days are the days where I have let things go and spend quality time with my kids and don't worry about the to do list. So I know it will be great, but it's also hard to let it go and to know that I'm not longer in control of everything like I used to be...or that I just can't do it all. But through it all I'm grateful to have Heavenly Father to talk to about the details and to let Him know that I'm struggling with 'X' or 'Y' and to be given strength to handle it all (and by that I mean to be okay letting go). And I'm incredibly grateful for a husband who helps pick up the slack and who doesn't demand that I do it all but instead is cutting back with me so that we can create the type of family that we want and need to have.

And is the fun stuff:

Miss Oaklie is nearly 6 weeks old! (Say wha?) Seriously I can't stand it. She is starting to fill out a bit...although she is still wearing newborn clothes. She has a few 0-3 month things that fit but most are still way too big.

Oaklie is by far my best sleeper. I wake up about twice a night (compared to the boys where there were times where I was up every 45 minutes).
She has a rough stretch every night for about 2 hours where she cries and cries. It just happens to be right after I put the boys to bed, so I don't get much of a break...ever...but it's nice to be able to hold her while she's awake and when we have some one on one time together.
Logan is the best big brother. He comes up to her and says, "Hi pretty girl!" and then plants a kiss on her forehead or cheek. Or he'll come up to her and say, "Aww....she's so cute!" and then he'll wrap his arms around her and lay by her.
He is very protective and if he ever does anything that is too hard and gets reprimanded it devastates him. I have to be very sensitive (and need to be more so) with him.
Josh is the best dad in the world. He is so good with the boys and this little girl has him wrapped around his finger.
Poor Shaffer has had a hard time adjusting.

The boys really miss their Mumsie! She was so good to us and spoiled us rotten and helped us move in! Josh was in D.C. when the moving company came and unloaded everything. There is no way I could have handled 3 kids on my own while there were people moving boxes and furniture into our house. Not to mention if I had to unpack and put away everything on my own I would have gone nuts. My mom and sister were here to help and I owe them a million dollars each for all their hard work!

This is Jessica's baby, William. He is only 3 1/2 months older than Oaklie but 5x her size. ;) He is such a babe...not to mention the calmest baby in the entire world.

We were in CO nearly a week before we had any furniture or any of our things. It went better than I thought...but got old really fast too. We were all happy to get our stuff moved in.
Mom & Will, Jessi & Oaklie!


Kristy E.B. said...

Yes, 3 was the kicker for me too on learning to cut back and let go, and I'm still struggling with it. Not to make you feel worse. You take things one day at a time and be happy if you get one or two things done, let alone the whole or half of the "to-do" list done. Raising 3 little ones is 3 full time jobs, but I'm sure you're doing an excellent job!

Dax and Jen said...

If it makes you feel better I only made it to two before I had to cut back. :) Sometimes I try to kill two birds with one stone by creatively turning house cleaning into an aerobic activity(take a toy up the stairs, run back down for another one). I am sure you are doing great with it all. My Mom swore to me that between 2 and 3 was the hardest age for kids to adjust to a new was true with Hayden. Your kids are so adorable.

jamie t. said...

Oh Jena, I first off and to tell you that you are someone that I admire so much. You can tell what a wonderful mother you are and how well intentioned everything in your life is... and I'm not just saying that. One of my favorite talks is good, better, best from General conference. I think at different points in our lives some of those things change. I've learned that daily scripture study and time for myself has been critical. Everyting else somehow falls into place. Some kind of daily exercise is really important to me but at some points in my life, it has to take a bit of a back seat. Sorry this is so long. You are doing GREAT and your little one is too cute for words!

honeyclarck said...
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Molly M said...

Great post, Jena! Loved reading about how to re-prioritize and cut back. You'll find a great balance. Something Ive been thinking about with Saige's journal is spending time on Sunday doing a nice review of the week: new words learned and funny things done, etc, asopposed to daily. Let me know what you come up with! Love the pix of the kiddos- I'll never get over the one of Will sitting next to Oaklie! Its like my mind is playing tricks on me!